Dear father, If only you knew what happened that day, you would know that i love you.

Paralyzed with sadness, i remember looking out the window gazing at every movement made within my vision. The leaves were dancing, people were walking and the birds were flying. Mesmerized by this state of awareness, i remember hearing birds chirping and the rushed footsteps made by people passing by. Only then it registered in my head that it was going to rain soon. i looked up at the blue sky that was turning dark by the second and as tears rolled down my face, i was quickly snapped and brought back to reality. All that was left in my mind was the phonecall i received earlier on from my sister. “Boy, dad has passed away”.

I knew i needed to get down to the hospital where my father was as quickly as possible. I just needed to see him again, i needed to believe it with my own eyes. Call it “denying reality” if you will. I just didn’t want to believe that i’ll never get to see him smile ever again. I shut the window and grabbed my house keys. As i walked to the front door, i couldn’t help but to turn my head and look into my dad’s bedroom. At this point, my sense of missing him grew uncontrollably in a instant. Memories of him were playing like a movie in my head and they all led to tragic conclusion of awareness that all these will be nothing more than just memories from now on.

I left my house, paced as fast as i could completely forgeting that it was gonna rain soon. With no umbrella in hand and feeling cold by the strong wind that was blowing, i stood by the side of the road hoping to flag a taxi cab; the quickest means of transportation that i knew of and within 15 minutes i arrived at the hospital where my father, a patient of liver failure, laid.

While standing outside his room, the sound of my heartbeat was all i could hear. I felt like my entire surrounding was in mute. I knew the moment that i was not ready for, is here. Do you know how it feels like to stand behind a door knowing that when you open that door, you are going to walk into a room whereby you are going to stand there and watch the one you love lay breathless before you?.

With all the strength left in me, i turned the knob and entered the room and there he was laying peacefully next to my mom and my sister. That day, i lost a father and also a part of myself.


About Rudy Prabahgaran

"To follow by faith alone is to follow blindly" - Benjamin Franklin. View all posts by Rudy Prabahgaran

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